Project Positivity #3: Water.

This entry may seem a little more abstract than my previous ones in this project, but please allow me to elaborate. Water is something that has a very positive effect on my life and experiences.

For a start, life as we know it could not exist at all on this tiny planet without water. Earth would be just another deserted rock taking up a relatively minuscule corner of the galaxy. As a result of water being present (and taking up two thirds of the world's surface) life was able to evolve from single celled organisms into the complexity and variety that enraptures so many people today.

Additionally, humans depend on water in order to survive (just like all other living things). We drink it to stay hydrated and our bodies are made up of roughly 60% water. In any conceivable way, life and humanity could not and would not exist without it.

Getting away from the obvious, and trying to personalize this more (that is the point of this project after all), water has symbolically been a major part of my life. I learned to swim at a very young age. I have always been grateful for that, as I have found comfort in water. It doesn't matter too much to me if it is a swimming pool or an ocean. I love to be in and around water.

The parts of the summer vacations I was taken on as a child that I looked forward to the most were the swimming and the ferry journey. The ferry was always very exciting to me. I would always go outside and watch the waves crash against the side of the ship. The feeling of being on the water was something I thoroughly enjoyed. I do not recall ever getting seasick. I suppose it is possible that I did but I have no memory of it.

Away from the vacations, just everyday life put me near to the water. For the first eighteen years of my life I lived walking distance from one of the biggest estuaries in the country and not too far away from the coast. My grandmother lived (and still does live) in the seaside town of Felixstowe. Every time we visited we would walk along the seafront and watch the waves, big and small, crash against the beach.

Felixstowe

Then I went to university. To Aberystwyth. A town on the exact opposite side of the British island to Felixstowe, yet something about it felt very familiar: the sea. It was a totally different body of water I gazed out upon in Aber and the waves were generally much bigger yet the effect it had on me was exactly the same. An odd mixture of excitement and calm. Something about the sight, smell and sound of the waves crashing on the shore was incredibly soothing. I did not always enjoy being in Aber. In fact, at times I was miserable. The upside was that I had a foolproof method of clearing my head: a walk along the seafront. It never failed. Rain or shine, day or night, if I had a lot on my mind I went for a walk to the seafront and just let my mind empty. It is usually impossible for me to switch my brain off (something that has caused much aggravation in the past and still continues to do so), but being in front of the water manages to do it.

Aberystwyth

I feel drawn to coastal areas. Part of the reason I love New York so much (and Long Island is a particularly good example of this) is its proximity to the water. I think it is no coincidence that while I did not much care for Florida, my favorite parts of the week I spent there were swimming in the hotel pool and swimming in the Gulf of Mexico (before the oil spill, naturally).

I sometimes feel sadness that I live in a place so far from the coasts. I even did my Master's degree in Coventry. There are few places in Britain further away from a coastline. I miss it. I miss swimming. I miss watching the waves in the rain. I love the water. Something so simple, yet complex at the same time. It fills me with such awe.

Project Positivity #2: Christopher Hitchens.

There are some writers who come along once in a generation. Their voice is clear from reading their work. They make compelling, alluring and arresting arguments for causes they care deeply about. They are more often than not loved and hated in equal measures. For me, the writer who has caught my attention more than any other is Christopher Hitchens.

Born in England and educated at Oxford University, Hitchens moved to the United States in 1981 and became an American citizen in 2007. He writes weekly columns for Slate and monthly pieces for Vanity Fair. His best-selling book god Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything catapulted him to the front of what has been called (irritatingly, in my opinion) the 'New Atheists' alongside Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and Daniel C. Dennett. He is often invited onto American news shows to discuss issues of American politics, history and religion and is a prolific debater.

He is an unapologetic critic of Henry Kissinger, Mother Teresa, Bill Clinton and Pope Benedict XVI among others. He is an admirer of Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine and George Orwell (all three of whom have been subjects of his books).

Sadly he has recently been diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. I wrote briefly on this earlier and I really do hope that he recovers. However, this post is supposed to be focused on the positives, so I shall explain why Hitchens has become such a significant figure to me.

Firstly is very simple: his style of writing and speaking. He uses the English language in such a compelling way that I find myself riveted by what he has to say even if a particular topic is not of interest or even if I disagree with his position. The first example of a disagreement I can think of is his glorification and excessive consumption of alcohol. Regardless of minor things, his writing and speaking voice are very distinctive. Reading his books or articles, and listening to him in interviews or debates is always a pleasure.

The next thing that draws my attention to him is the way our main interests seem to overlap. Hitchens is avidly interested in American history, American politics and the influence of religion in a secular society. As am I. The fact that he writes so extensively about these three subjects has naturally drawn me more to his work.

The third and final factor in Hitchens' great influence on me is his life story and attitude. He was born and raised in England but always felt the pull of the United States. He has said that he feels like he was born in the wrong country: something I have been saying about myself for years. He is now a naturalized American citizen who writes for a living about America and religion. That is what I want for my own life (on my own terms obviously, I do not want to simply be a carbon copy).

Looking at the way Hitchens' life has turned out (cancer aside, obviously) makes me think about what is possible. The combination of what he has achieved, what he talks and writes about, and how he uses the English language have combined to make him the most significant influence in my writing, argumentative style and political thought. If I can achieve even some of the success in those areas as he has, I will be truly happy.

Project Positivity #1: New York.

I really could not start this project with anything else. New York. The city. The state. I know I have talked about it briefly before, but I do not feel I really did justice to my feelings. Hopefully, this entry will rectify that.

I have said it many times in conversation but New York was (and is) the first true love of my life. In terms of positivity, I cannot think of a single thing that quite matches New York. Friends and partners may come and go but you never forget your first real love.

Growing up, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Sure, I had friends who were (and in some cases still are) very dear to me but I always felt out of place. Something about where I lived just did not feel right. There is no rational or logical explanation I can offer for this, it is just how I felt. At the same time, I was becoming increasingly exposed to American culture. This could be in movies, TV shows, music or anything else. The seed of desire to experience and live in the United States had been planted.

It was not until I was 16 that I was able to set foot in the United States of America. The trip was only for six days, but I was excited. America, finally. Many people in my family had told me that the image I had constructed in my head would not be matched by the reality. I was to be realistic in order to stave off disappointment. I tried to erase the wonderful images I had in my imagination of what New York would be. I was unable to.

New York City not only met my expectations, but surpassed them. I was absolutely enraptured by it. Enthralled. Mesmerized. The sheer scale of it was utterly breath taking. The noise was like nothing I had ever experienced in the UK. It was beautiful. Even the sweltering humidity of August in New York was not enough to tarnish the experience. I was in love.

It was more than that, however. Beyond the aesthetics of what was the most beautiful city I had ever laid eyes on were two intangibles. Two aspects of New York that are difficult to quantify and even more difficult to explain logically or empirically.

The first of these intangibles is something that so many people credit the city with: the energy. The air in New York feels electric. It did the first time I was there, and it does not fade with time. The entire city feels alive and exciting even if you are just strolling down the street with no particular plans or destination. It is something that cannot be adequately expressed except between people who have experienced it. Every time I have revisited New York, the sight of that world famous skyline appearing on the horizon never fails to excite me. There is no law of diminished returns for me. Being in the Big Apple, I feel alive in a way that does not seem possible anywhere else.

The second aspect that is difficult to defend using logic is quite simple. I finally felt at home. Yes, I had a building in the UK in which I kept all my possessions and which also housed my family but it never felt like a home. Not really. I did not know what the feeling of home was until I saw New York. While it is true that I feel excited any time I am in New York City, it is accompanied by the feeling of being at ease with my surroundings. As excited as I become, part of that excitement comes from the fact that I always feel like this is where I am meant to be.

I was born in the wrong country.

Feeling at home is not limited to New York City either. It extends to the entirety of New York State. I spent four months living in Utica (a city in upstate New York) and have spent several weeks on Long Island. In all three of those places I feel the same sense of ease and of belonging. It does not have to do with the people (although a lot of them certainly have helped), but with the places themselves. Funnily enough, I have visited other states of the Union as well as Washington D.C. I can appreciate these cities and states for all of their individual beauties and points of interest, yet that feeling of home has not been felt anywhere but within the State of New York. I have no reason to offer why that is the case, but it is. I love the United States and want to visit as much of it as possible in my lifetime, but I highly doubt that anywhere will ever feel as much like home as New York will.

I adore New York. Absolutely and without apology. Many people have bad experiences of it, or will be quick to point out its flaws or shortcomings. I can listen and accept these comments but they will not alter my mind at all. I have a tattoo on the inside of my left arm of an apple. The symbol of New York. I had no doubts about a New York inspired tattoo because the city and state have shaped my life in such a significant way that their influence can never be denied. Even if I never achieve my goal of living there, New York will forever be the first true love of my life.

Project Positivity: An Introduction.

I have decided to set myself a challenge. Usually the motivation for my blog posts are frustration and annoyance. I often feel the need to rant about something in particular. As a result I feel like I give off a very negative impression. I have been told numerous times that I look at things too negatively, and I certainly imagine that it comes across in my writing.

So with this in mind I am hoping to dedicate the next few entries (how many exactly I have not decided as the idea has only just occurred to me) to something that I love. Something positive. Upbeat. I see this as a challenge because most of my writing is fueled by negativity, and I want to see if I am able to write at all well when being positive. I shall let you be the judge.

Happy New Year

I realize that I am over a week late in wishing everyone a Happy New Year, so I apologize for my lethargy. I did not post on this blog throughout December as I was working as an intern for the New Statesman magazine. Overall it was a very good experience and I even managed to get some articles published. If you are interested in reading those articles and have not yet done so, they can all be found here.

Well, 2010 is over and 2011 is underway. A completely arbitrary distinction really but the start of a new year has become significant in the human psyche, at least in Western countries. It is seen as a time of reflection and of looking ahead. I shall attempt to do something along those lines and keep it brief so I do not run too high a risk of boring people.

2010 for me was awful. There are other, more crude words I use to describe it in everyday conversation but I am sure you can figure out what those words are. I am not, however, saying that the year was totally without its high points. The first few days of 2010 actually represented one of the happiest starts to a year I can remember (second happiest to be exact). It just went downhill from there. Yes, there were people and events that gave me reason to smile but when looking at the year overall: it was terrible. Those of you who know me well will probably know a lot of the reasons for that, so I shall not rehash the details.

When looking towards 2011 I see nothing. I do not mean to say that I see no positives on the horizon. I see no horizon. In most years there has always been a significant part of the upcoming months in which I knew what to expect (more or less), or had something to look forward to, or even something to dread. There is none of that this year. It is a complete unknown. I am still unsure if that is a good thing or not. Time, as they say, will tell.

I know what I hope to get out of 2011, but I realize some of them are highly unlikely and others are literally impossible. All I can do is work as hard as I can towards the goals that are merely unlikely as opposed to impossible and maybe by the end of the next twelve months I will have something to show for it. I will also try to post regularly on here, as I feel bad for neglecting this space.

I sincerely hope that 2011 is an improvement on 2010 for me and everyone else. I highly doubt my year will top the one I had in 2007 but one can only hope, and in the absence of tangible evidence that things will be better, hope is sometimes all one has.