It has been a relatively slow day today. The latest in a pretty slow week. It feels as though I have had a lot of time to think, to reflect or to contemplate. I have been told by a few people that I think too much as it is. Given my current situation I have come to agree somewhat. The problem is that I cannot switch off my brain. My thoughts are constant and it is difficult to just turn them down and relax. It is possible, but never for an extended period of time. My imagination concocts things out of nothing and then its productions get stuck in a loop within my mind. Until, of course, the next and latest image or scenario dreamed up with no real sense or purpose.
I do think that I have become better at explaining myself and explaining ideas in a logical way. Some have even told me that I can now be a little too intricate in identifying the logical steps in my head aloud. I guess that must mean I am successful. I never used to be. The connections would be made in my head and I would explain the conclusion with the expectation that everyone around me would understand how I got there. These became known as my tangents to a certain group of friends, who I greatly appreciate for their patience. I can often get distracted while telling a story but, to me, the distractions always make sense. Maybe that should be a worry. Maybe not.
Sometimes it is more fun to keep the connections internal, but having gotten so accustomed to explaining my thought pattern retroactively it has become a new standard for me to explain the process as I am going through it. I can imagine that this gets irritating at times, so I apologize to all those I have annoyed. Apparently it can sometimes sound like I am explaining things to people like I would to an idiot. This is really not my intention. As a result of having to explain the steps that used to go on within my own mind I am still struggling to figure out at which point the explanations become redundant. The problem I have is that the answer differs with every topic of conversation and with every person I converse with.
It is sometimes a shame that I do not really get a chance to talk passionately as much as I would like, but I am always concerned that the subjects that arouse such interest for me are dull and unimportant to others. Topics like the history or politics of the United States, my thoughts on religious matters, certain types of music and others all provoke a real enthusiasm in me but I feel restrained by not wanting to bore those around me. This blog gives me some release but it does not quite have the same effect as a person to person conversation would. Given the right topic and the right audience, I really think that I could talk for hours.
Sometimes I cherish the way my mind works and other times I curse it. I assume that I am not alone in my habit of thinking the most inappropriate thing possible in certain situations. It can also get frustrating when I instinctively commit to memory the most inane and useless of trivia and yet important issues often escape me. Sometimes it would be nice to quieten the avalanche of voices and images that are running through my brain constantly. Even when I sleep it feels like I am still always thinking
I do think that I have become better at explaining myself and explaining ideas in a logical way. Some have even told me that I can now be a little too intricate in identifying the logical steps in my head aloud. I guess that must mean I am successful. I never used to be. The connections would be made in my head and I would explain the conclusion with the expectation that everyone around me would understand how I got there. These became known as my tangents to a certain group of friends, who I greatly appreciate for their patience. I can often get distracted while telling a story but, to me, the distractions always make sense. Maybe that should be a worry. Maybe not.
Sometimes it is more fun to keep the connections internal, but having gotten so accustomed to explaining my thought pattern retroactively it has become a new standard for me to explain the process as I am going through it. I can imagine that this gets irritating at times, so I apologize to all those I have annoyed. Apparently it can sometimes sound like I am explaining things to people like I would to an idiot. This is really not my intention. As a result of having to explain the steps that used to go on within my own mind I am still struggling to figure out at which point the explanations become redundant. The problem I have is that the answer differs with every topic of conversation and with every person I converse with.
It is sometimes a shame that I do not really get a chance to talk passionately as much as I would like, but I am always concerned that the subjects that arouse such interest for me are dull and unimportant to others. Topics like the history or politics of the United States, my thoughts on religious matters, certain types of music and others all provoke a real enthusiasm in me but I feel restrained by not wanting to bore those around me. This blog gives me some release but it does not quite have the same effect as a person to person conversation would. Given the right topic and the right audience, I really think that I could talk for hours.
Sometimes I cherish the way my mind works and other times I curse it. I assume that I am not alone in my habit of thinking the most inappropriate thing possible in certain situations. It can also get frustrating when I instinctively commit to memory the most inane and useless of trivia and yet important issues often escape me. Sometimes it would be nice to quieten the avalanche of voices and images that are running through my brain constantly. Even when I sleep it feels like I am still always thinking
