In yesterday's entry I said the following:
As part of straight edge I choose not to engage in promiscuous sex, but this often comes under scrutiny when trying to explain it because of the rather murky definition of "promiscuous". Most people ignore the word entirely and only hear "No sex". That thought alone is enough to shock them into thinking straight edge is some sort of religious cult. Not true.
Promiscuous sex, as I would define it (which is all that matters as straight edge is a personal choice, not a clear cut set of rules) is basically meaningless, emotionless sex with strangers or people with whom a personal connection is not shared. This includes one night stands (for obvious reasons). There is no provision in straight edge that says sex is not allowed, but the original Minor Threat song decried "fucking" (which I put into quotation marks for a reason in the last entry). Straight edge encourages a healthy lifestyle, both physically and mentally, so providing that sex is safe and meaningful then it is absolutely fine.
Some people would regard promiscuous sex as any sex had before marriage. With this I must contend. Marriage is essentially a legal document that makes a relationship recognized by the state (for now I will ignore that it originated as a property exchange between the bride's father and husband). It is not required for a loving, fulfilling and happy relationship. With that in mind it seems silly for someone to wait for something as arbitrary as a marriage license before engaging in sex.
With this in mind I would like to express a certain sadness for the way in which sex has been devalued in the modern world. Sex is very enjoyable and as a result, people want to experience it (a wonderful evolutionary imperative, in my opinion) and thus the attainment of sex has become a status symbol. This is especially true among young men. Throughout adolescence it seems as though in order to be accepted by one's peers, one must have sex. Because of this attitude, a lot of adolescent males and females are trying to have sex as early as possible.
Personally, I think this is a shame. With sex becoming an essential experience that one must have as quickly as possible the real beauty of it has become lost (or faded at the very least). Sex is, to me, a deep expression of intimacy between two people. Obviously, in the context of a loving committed relationship not all encounters have to be seen exclusively in this way (sometimes biological urges take over!) but it should at least be kept in mind. This is why I also have no moral issue with sexual experimentation between two consenting adults (regardless of sexual orientation. To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens: Homosexuality is not a form of sex, but a form of love).
I am not intending this entry to be preaching to anyone about how they approach the subject of sex. If someone is satisfied having a string of one night stands then that is completely their own business (provided they do so safely). On the same token, if someone wishes to wait until they have gotten married to have sex, that is equally their own business.
I do not wish to preach. I am simply using this entry as an expression of my attitude towards sex and how it fits in with me being straight edge. I sincerely hope that it has cleared up any confusion.
I was originally planning to talk about the third (and often most debated) choice of straight edge: the one regarding promiscuous sex. This, sadly, will have to wait for another entry as I fear I have gone on too long as it is.I like to think of myself as a man of my word, so I shall address that point today while it is still fresh in my mind.
As part of straight edge I choose not to engage in promiscuous sex, but this often comes under scrutiny when trying to explain it because of the rather murky definition of "promiscuous". Most people ignore the word entirely and only hear "No sex". That thought alone is enough to shock them into thinking straight edge is some sort of religious cult. Not true.
Promiscuous sex, as I would define it (which is all that matters as straight edge is a personal choice, not a clear cut set of rules) is basically meaningless, emotionless sex with strangers or people with whom a personal connection is not shared. This includes one night stands (for obvious reasons). There is no provision in straight edge that says sex is not allowed, but the original Minor Threat song decried "fucking" (which I put into quotation marks for a reason in the last entry). Straight edge encourages a healthy lifestyle, both physically and mentally, so providing that sex is safe and meaningful then it is absolutely fine.
Some people would regard promiscuous sex as any sex had before marriage. With this I must contend. Marriage is essentially a legal document that makes a relationship recognized by the state (for now I will ignore that it originated as a property exchange between the bride's father and husband). It is not required for a loving, fulfilling and happy relationship. With that in mind it seems silly for someone to wait for something as arbitrary as a marriage license before engaging in sex.
With this in mind I would like to express a certain sadness for the way in which sex has been devalued in the modern world. Sex is very enjoyable and as a result, people want to experience it (a wonderful evolutionary imperative, in my opinion) and thus the attainment of sex has become a status symbol. This is especially true among young men. Throughout adolescence it seems as though in order to be accepted by one's peers, one must have sex. Because of this attitude, a lot of adolescent males and females are trying to have sex as early as possible.
Personally, I think this is a shame. With sex becoming an essential experience that one must have as quickly as possible the real beauty of it has become lost (or faded at the very least). Sex is, to me, a deep expression of intimacy between two people. Obviously, in the context of a loving committed relationship not all encounters have to be seen exclusively in this way (sometimes biological urges take over!) but it should at least be kept in mind. This is why I also have no moral issue with sexual experimentation between two consenting adults (regardless of sexual orientation. To paraphrase Christopher Hitchens: Homosexuality is not a form of sex, but a form of love).
I am not intending this entry to be preaching to anyone about how they approach the subject of sex. If someone is satisfied having a string of one night stands then that is completely their own business (provided they do so safely). On the same token, if someone wishes to wait until they have gotten married to have sex, that is equally their own business.
I do not wish to preach. I am simply using this entry as an expression of my attitude towards sex and how it fits in with me being straight edge. I sincerely hope that it has cleared up any confusion.
2 comments:
Do you believe there is a healthy future for society when its younger members have little notion of the link between love and sex?
I fear for us...this aspect of human interaction is another example of the deep rift that is developing between real, face to face relationships (in all their glory and sordidness) and the make believe of e-relationships. In my experience, young people are becoming ever more afraid of each other, and possibly themselves.
It is certainly a matter of concern but I would not wish to abandon the prospect of a healthy future just yet.
Technology has been so awesome (in the original sense of the word, not its colloquial appropriation) in its immediacy that it is natural for the first few generations to be taken in by it. It is still possible that a balance will be struck that will allow the importance of love's role in sex to flourish.
Or maybe I'm being a naive optimist. Still, watching how things develop will be interesting to say the least.
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